I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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