i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
