Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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