Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
