I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
