what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
