Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
