it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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