Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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