whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
