I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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