Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
