the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's get the cat blown out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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