I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize