just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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