I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
