I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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