Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
