Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
