I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
