He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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