So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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