Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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