Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
