I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
