I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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