In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
