Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
