"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
