ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize