The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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