so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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