I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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