You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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