I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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