Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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