I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Let's get the cat blown out
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
