Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
