dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize