I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
