When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
