I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
