someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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