I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
