had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
