She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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