Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
