I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
