You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
