i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
