u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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