I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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