it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
