You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
