similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
