I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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