i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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