id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
