just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize