I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
