Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
NoShamevember. You game?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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