Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
