I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i will never coherently bang her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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