Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
