soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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