you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize