We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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