You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
