Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
