I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
