I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
