oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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