I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
