chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This is classic penis vs brain.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
