Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
