He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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