it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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