Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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