I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize