I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
