hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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