Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
