Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
