last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
