I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
