you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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