My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
