Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i've created a new STD.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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