I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
