we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
