What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think we might need a safe word for this...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
