I just cut my nipple shaving
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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