I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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